So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
