loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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