I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
