lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We were destined to go to rehab together
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
