the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
