i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
