I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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