Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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