i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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