last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
this is an emotional support booty call
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
