I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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