I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
