i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
