I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
