She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
