bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
