I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
