i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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