My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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