i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
