you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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