we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
