I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
