FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
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There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
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His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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