i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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