Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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