Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
