And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
