Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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