it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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