Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
