Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
