The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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