winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
