p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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