all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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