By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
