so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
