Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
