last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
