i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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