we have officially lost it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
