JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
