Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Can Purell be used as lube?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
