dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
