Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
