apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
