so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Houston, we have a blender
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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