dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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