I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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