ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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