Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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