Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
