How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
