I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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