i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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