You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She bit a glass in half.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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