If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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