Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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