VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
