So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
