I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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