he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
