Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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