I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
