Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
