wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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