This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
