What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
