Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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