'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I deserve this hangover.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
