It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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