I faked an abortion last night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
