I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
