I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
