She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
