I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
